What a piece of work is William Shakespeare!

Our William Shakespeare Action Figure says, “Buy me or be a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave.”

SNAP! You just got served, son.

The William Shakespeare Action Figure is a figurine of sublime wit. Forsooth, knave, this is the nicknack that thou dost crave to illustrate the learning and intelligence that rests within your noggin.

Click here to order.

Nothing sparkles like the Lederhosen Unicorn Ornament

This shimmery, sparkling Lederhosen Unicorn Ornament is the most awesome ornament in the universe. It adds unlimited sass to any Christmas tree.

People often ask us why our Unicorn Ornament is wearing pink lederhosen. We say, “Why not?” If you try and think of more appropriate unicorn attire, you can come up with a few interesting ideas (unitard, Zorro cape, chaps), but nothing that captures the utter awesomeness of the unicorn quite as well.

It’s a glass 5-3/4″ tall chunk of mind blowing uni-brilliance. Your Christmas tree will never be the same. Includes a string for hanging, but can also stand on its own.

Celebrate the secret dancing unicorn living inside of us all.

Click here to order.

Transform yourself with the Pug Mask

No one can be mad at you when you wear a Pug Mask. Just point your giant, sorrowful eyes and tilt your oddly-shaped head, and all the adults within range will be trying to feed you snacks and rub behind your ears.

The Pug Mask is a full-sized adult mask that’s sure to be a hit at the dog park. It’s so realistic that as soon as you put it on, you’ll feel the urge to snort, beg for food and dress up as a portly, sad bumblebee. Fits most adult heads.

Here’s Redditor mrmarksingletree wearing our Pug Mask and a pug face t-shirt while holding his pug:

Order the Pug Mask here.

The Bacon-Scented Mustache is extra manly

Super charge your manliness with the Bacon-Scented Mustache. The gosh darn thing smells like bacon. All the bacon. Maybe you aren’t man enough to even wear it! But wearing it will make you so manly that you won’t care.

This is the kind of thing that goes perfectly with woodworking, killing a snake with your bare hands or grilling a giant steak. It’s the only mustache that makes you hungry all day. It’s 4″ wide, which is enough to mask your pathetic, unmasculine, bare upper lip.

Click here to order.

Give yourself an Instant Audience

The Instant Audience electronic noisemaker puts the power of an audience in the palm of your hand! You just told the best joke anyone has ever told and the wet noodles around you aren’t even laughing. There is no justice! Well, our Instant Audience lets you carry around the crowd reactions you deserve.

Worth buying just so you can play the cricket sound after one of your friends tells a terrible joke. Batteries included. Divorce lawyers at your expense.

Click here to order.